R. Fink | Run government like a theme park

The Packet Rat'commentary

THE RAT personally finds any use of the expression 'Mickey Mouse operation' highly pejorative. Being a rodent himself, he fails to see the humor in associating flimsy, frivolous and facile organizational behavior with any specimen of Mus musculus or any other species of the order Rodentia.

'We're robust, we're adaptable, we're relentless and ubiquitous,' he recently spat at someone smearing the good name of rodents. 'Sort of like Starbucks.'

Or, of course, like Disney. The company that spawned the glove-wearing monochromatic mouse is almost everywhere you look. And now, the people behind the Happiest Place on Earth have been called on by the government to train members of the federal workforce in the use of their most powerful weapon: customer service.

Recently, a crack squad of Disney Institute trainers was called in to help change the customer service ethic at Walter Reed Army Medical Center. 'Service, Disney Style' is now required training for all military and civilian employees there, according to the Washington Post. The price tag for Disney's advice: $800,000.

Walter Reed is not the only government facility getting the white-glove treatment from Disney Institute service ninjas. Allegedly, the FBI, CIA and National Reconnaissance Office have all been given a Mickey. 'Maybe they were consulted on interrogation techniques,' the cyberrodent posited.

Inspired, the whiskered one initiated a homegrown Disney service training program for his customer-facing tech troops.

Disney calls its employees cast members and its customers guests. The Rat used this to explain to his staff that they were on stage when dealing with guests, and they should perform in a way appropriate to their role. After a break for lunch, the whiskered one found that one administrator had taken the term guest literally and given all network users guest privileges only on the file server.

Once proper permissions were restored, the Rat tried using additional indoctrination materials to inject some Disney spirit into the staff. Unfortunately, they took 'Whistle While You Work' from the Snow White training video too literally, pushing the Rat close to his breaking point by whistling 'Some Day My Prince Will Come.'

They stopped only when the wirebiter threatened them with the harshest weapon in the Disney arsenal: mandatory viewings of an unrestored print of 'Fantasia.'

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