' Upgrade or die. FBI agent Robert Hanssen wanted to encrypt communications with Russian intelligence via a Palm VIIx wireless computer, according to court documents. But the Russian agents unluckily opted for paper in low-tech garbage bags.

' Bulletin from www.bush-cheneytransition.com: 'Watch where you go, former foes, or Dubya will sub ya.' The anti-Bush administration site [GCN, Jan. 8, Page 42] is still online, but the legit www.bush-cheneytransition.org site is not.

' Stinger. That's the name of Microsoft Corp.'s prototype operating software for wireless phones. Ouch. We're guessing it will appeal to aggressive callers who find that a vibrating alert just doesn't get a quick enough answer.

' And a zinger. 'Good code. It's what separates humans from monkeys, lions from house cats and us from Microsoft.' So says a new ad from Sun Microsystems Inc. If monkeys typed at random, what are the chances they would produce, not Shakespeare's 'Hamlet,' but instead a good many faulty lines of code from either Microsoft's or Sun's software?

' Smell-O-Vision. Really. The Reuters news service reported last month that the Patent and Trademark Office has given its official OK to a device that attaches to a computer or TV set and releases gases or perfumes in synchronization with image sequences. What odors would you most like Smell-O-Vision to produce while you're keyboarding: fresh ozone, coffee, pizza or Channel No. 5?

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